14 Apr What’s Your Story: Are You a Survivor?
In my last post, I wrote a brief description of the Navigator: the type of person who is usually clear about where he is going and gets back on course when he is buffeted by the winds of frustration and disappointment. Navigators shrug off self-doubt and other forms of non-productive thinking. The Navigator is a master of the mind battle, the lifelong fight against endless, self-generated negative chatter that lives within each of us. This inner voice persuades us to take things personally, make self-defeating assumptions, and catastrophize minor upsets, throwing up one barrier after the other against our potential successes. The Navigator wages war against this inner voice and he does not let it control him. I will continue to elaborate on the Navigator in future posts. How about we take a closer look at how the Survivor experiences life?
Survivors are fighters! They endure adversity and often prevail against all odds. They may subscribe to a tough aggressive code of behavior fueled by internal mottos such as, “Get the other guy before he gets you,” “Adversity only makes you stronger,” “My way or the highway,” and “I’ll succeed, even if it kills me.”
As they elbow their way through life, Survivors may amass considerable professional and financial success. But beyond the initial “high” that accompanies “winning,” Survivors rarely feel happy or content. Instead, they often find themselves feeling frustrated, angry, and distrustful.
I once worked with a client whose sole goal was to make a ton of money and report to no one. He was bitter from years of past betrayals and chronic criticism from his father. From his perspective, at age 42, he was determined to win the “Game of Life.” The game was clear: there are only winners and losers. And he was not going to lose.
He certainly appeared to be a winner in the eyes of others: he had accumulated considerable wealth and was the owner of his own company. Yet, he was miserable. He felt resentful toward his wife and his “two-faced” friends, feeling as though he had been used by them and by others. He had little insight into how difficult he was to live with and work with. His response to stress was to blame others as he replayed past abandonment and betrayal over and over again. He felt alone, but never defeated: he was a Survivor, so he would win in the end!
Do you see yourself in my client? If so, you’re not alone. Each of us has a piece of the Survivor lodged deep inside. There are demanding circumstances in every one of our lives in which we need to rely on this inner survivor for self-preservation. However, problems arise—as in the case of my client—when surviving becomes a way of life rather than a strategy to employ in extreme situations.
Take the “How Are You Going Through Life?” questionnaire on my website, navigatingforsuccess.com, to see to what extent your Survivor is in control of your life. If you would like to learn more about Navigating For Success coaching, contact me at 610.642.4873 x23.