What’s Missing For You?

What’s Missing For You?

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I was listening to several TV commentators discussing Donald Trump’s acceptance speech last week. One commentator, a well-known African-American respondent, said that for the first time covering presidential political campaigns, he was afraid. He wondered, given that Mexicans, Muslims, Gays and Transgenders were now the targets of prejudice and hatred, might he and his African-American community be next? Or perhaps Jews might become a convenient target?

Whether or not you are Republican or Democrat, I think many in this country are feeling uncomfortable with this election and worried about what the future will hold. There is considerable debate about what to do about global unrest and immigration. Should we build a giant wall to keep Mexicans away from us? Should we abandon connections with NATO and other allies throughout the world? Should we make abortion illegal?

There are other difficult questions that seem to stir anxiety and anger in many people. The problems we now face and the changes that are emerging can seem scary and overwhelming. This is especially problematic when the prevailing discussions about these concerns center around questions like “Who is right and who is wrong?” and “Who is the good guy and the bad guy?”

People seem hungry for a simple answer, anything to get rid of the fear and distress surrounding our politicians. People do not really know what to do; and in fact, is not unusual to experience confusion during times of radical change. Change is uncomfortable and people often feel fear, suspicion and anger.

While I do not have an answer to these social and cultural issues, I am aware of something that might have value to each of us as individuals and as a community. Psychologically, humans need to feel some sense of comfort. What I am referring to are the three basic needs most people need satisfied: Safety, Connection and Power. A threat to any of these needs can easily throw a person into confusion and stress.

Safety has to do with trusting yourself and others and the world around you. When your need for safety is met, you are not experiencing any sense of danger. If provoked or upset, your stress reactions tend to be proportional to the circumstance. Once the upset has been handled or removed or you move away from the situation, you begin to regain a sense of emotional composure. Consequently, you are back in your safe zone.

Safety also means feeling comfortable in your own skin, and keeping your adrenalin and cortisol secretions under control. Fear activates these chemical secretions and, if experienced for too long, can result in inflammation, disease and even death. Take time each day to turn off your electronics, lean back and take some deep breaths to activate your relaxation response. Gaze out your window, or better yet, take a walk in the park.

The second important need is Connection, a sense that you are interacting with others. Generosity, empathy and mutual support go a long way to make us feel comfortable and at ease. It is hard to go through stressful times alone. We do better sharing our feelings and concerns with others. As we talk, collaborate and share, oxytocin—the bonding hormone—is secreted and stress is reduced.

The last important psychological need is Power: a sense of confidence and competence and the assurance that we know what we are doing. We do not get thrown by problems or upsets. We confront them, understand what our options are and take action. If we are wrong and make mistakes, we learn from them rather than beating ourselves up for messing up. We just clean up the mess and do something different.

Change is uncomfortable and we are currently going through some major changes in our presidential election process. Not to mention dealing with issues of economic concern, climate control, immigration worries, terrorism and everything else that we read about in our daily papers or see on TV.

Stay connected with others, find some time to unwind and appreciate your good fortunes and take some daily actions to regain a sense of power and competence. Perhaps you can participate as a volunteer, be generous, take walks with someone you trust, and try not to spend too much time listening to political speeches. Remember, all this shall pass. Just continue to live your life as you see fit. You are the Captain of your Ship and you get to navigate where you want to go. There is no one to save you or to take away your stresses. Only you have the power to make that happen.