17 Nov Talking Straight!
“You Deserve To Live An Extraordinary Life!”
Let us continue to explore the five key skills necessary for communicating like a Navigator: 1) Knowing what conversation you are really having; 2) Listening Well; 3) Straight Talk; 4) Accepting Feedback; 5) Making No Assumptions. Today, I want to discuss the importance of Straight Talk.
Have you ever left a conversation wondering what the other person just said? Often, people beat around the bush, talk tangentially, and are evasive and indirect. Worse, they assume that what they said was clear and to the point without asking if the listener understood.
Navigators for Success use Straight Talk, the skill and practice of getting to the point. They say what is on their mind and take responsibility for their thoughts and feelings. For example, if they are bothered by something another person has said or done, they find an early opportunity to talk privately and directly. Here is an example of straight talk:
“I’m bothered by something you said to our colleagues earlier today. I don’t think you purposely intended to take sole credit and exclude me in your comments about our quarterly success, but you seemed to take full credit for it. I want to make sure you appreciate the contributions I also make.”
Notice that this person didn’t attack, judge, or assume a bad motive as is evident the following approach:
“I can’t believe you once again took total credit for our recent success. You always leave me out and act like the big champion. You’re selfish and only care about yourself and your big ego.”
This is not straight talk, it’s “attack and blame talk.” If you want the other person to really hear what you’re saying, don’t attack them. Don’t act like a relationship victim. State clearly and calmly that you are upset, review what happened and how you interpreted it, and ask if this is what the other person really intended to say and if was the effect they were trying to have.
Here are some suggestions for using straight talk:
- Set the stage by letting the other person know that you are bothered by something and that you want to speak honestly as a way of regaining trust and safety.
- Say what you mean and mean what you say.
- Take responsibility for your own words. When you say something in anger, it probably won’t be helpful. Make sure to apologize as soon as possible for any nasty speech and strive to get back to the real issue at hand.
- Use words such as “I think” and “I feel” instead of “You always” and “You never.”
I hope these suggestions are helpful to you, as they apply to all relationships and types of communication. Stay tuned for the next post, in which I talk about the importance of accepting feedback. In the meantime, check out my book “Navigating for Success.”