04 Mar Are You Dying While Clinging on to a Crappy Relationship?
Moss Jackson, PhD
Psychologist and Success Coach
Welcome to Navigating Your Life! My mission is to help people I coach to live extraordinary lives: lives of health, success, accomplishment and happiness. I think we are deserve to live life this way, but I am saddened by how often people do not know how to create pathways to success and happiness. Instead, many seem destined to be ill-fated victims who perish, emotionally and often physically, in toxic life styles and relationships.
I have seen too many people recently who are struggling with their intimate relationships, some who are married, others who are not. Bad relationships will suck the life out of you if you stay in them too long. Faith, hope and loyalty alone do not seem to be effective for creating loving and invigorating relationships. Something else is required for relationships to thrive.
I have a question to ask you which might shed light on toxic relationships: “How does a chick know when to peck its way out of the egg it is living in?” Here is one possible answer that I like. The chick starts its life growing in the nutritious environment of a heathy egg. It is warm and cozy, filled with wonderful food, warmth and comfort. Imagine living in a safe, warm and nutritious world where all you have to do is lie around taking it all in.
Well, it is great for a while, that is until the surroundings take a turn for the worse. You see, while the little chick is taking in all the benefits and living its idyllic life, it excretes all its waste back into the egg. After a while, it starts to smell and really stink up the egg. The nutritious and clear fluid it started its life in becomes murky with trash. It does not taste too good either. It’s like when you leave perishable food sitting in your refrigerator too long. It takes on that greenish color and starts to smell a bit. If you leave it around too long, it starts to contaminate its neighbors and stink up the entire fridge. Boy, it feels so good to throw it out and give the fridge a chance to rehabilitate itself. If the baby chick stays too long, it gets weaker and gradually loses its strength. Eventually, it becomes so weak it loses its ability to peck through the shell to freedom and an independent life. Basically, it dies in its own crap!
Human relationships can suffer the same fate. There are some relationships that need to be terminated by a radical change. Unfortunately, fear, blind loyalty and hope for a miraculous change sometimes poison a person’s ability to see what is going on. They get abused, humiliated and beaten into a submissive posture and eventually lose their ability to get out of their toxic relationship.
If you think you are in such a toxic relationship, here are some questions to ask yourself:
- How bad do things have to get before you decide to make a change and take action?
- How sick do you have to become before you break out?
- How miserable does your life have to get before you force yourself through the shell in which you are being poisoned?
KEY POINTS FOR SURVIVAL
- Do not spend too much time in a toxic relationship.
- Action is the best antidote to passivity.
- You deserve to live an extraordinary life.
- Do not wait until you are so weakened that you cannot take action.
- Create your own reality and give yourself permission to live the life you deserve.
In future posts I will talk more about how to create and maintain loving relationships. If you do not know how to make that happen, I will try to coach you to create the life you want. Take this as your introduction to pecking your way into a great life.
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