11 Jul INTO THE BREACH…..AND SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES
Moss Jackson, PhD
Over the last forty years, I have coached thousands of people to live and navigate lives of success, satisfaction and happiness. Although I think I make sense when I speak and offer suggestions, I have come to appreciate a major obstacle many of my clients experience that prevent them from living the lives they deserve. They “slip into the breach” and fail.
The breach refers to when you jump to conclusions and make a false conclusion. Here are a few examples:
Ben says to his wife, Susan, in reaction to her upset over his failing to call her as he promised, “There you go again, accusing me of lying to you. You don’t trust me! You never trusted me! What’s the point?”
Fred says to his brother who just brought up an unresolved upset that happened over ten years ago, “How come you always attack me and blame me for your wife divorcing you? Why don’t you accept the fact that you are to blame for your family falling apart?”
The common element in both these situations is the fatal flaw of “Jumping into the breach,” a tendency to jump to an emotionally based conclusion when upset.
HERE IS WHAT CAUSES THE BREACH:
You get upset
You stop listening
You think you are right
You stop being curious and checking out what the other person is saying
You get locked into your position and argue to prove you are right
The result is a power struggle, distrust and intensifying unhappiness
Useful conversation and looking for mutual understanding disappear and you push to drive your point home, even if it is hurtful to the other person.
The breach sets you up for a Survivor-Victim relationship in which you choose being “Right” instead of being “Loving!”
Your emotions intensified and you got pulled away from mutual caring, connection and safety. Basically, even though you did not do it intentionally, you threw your partner under the bus. Your thinking brain shut down and you temporarily suffered a “Hysterical Stroke” and lost about 40% of your rational thinking.
YOU FELL INTO THE BREACH
You f…..d up.
You went into attack mode.
You betrayed your love connection.
You ended up alone.
What can you do to avoid the “Breach” or to repair the damage you just did to your relationship? Find out in my next post on Navigating a Great Life of Safety, Connection and Power.
Want to create a life based on thriving and not Surviving? Read my latest book, “I Didn’t Come To Say Goodbye: Navigating The Psychology of Immortality.”