The Three Miseries of Life

The Three Miseries of Life

Frog, Cage, Imprisoned, Sad, Figure

Moss Jackson
Psychologist and Success Coach

I recently was coaching a client intent on being successful which, from his frame of reference, meant making a lot of money. He was doing quite well, at least as I saw it, in that his annual income was over $300,000. Yet he was not happy, nor did he feel successful. Instead, he described his life as lonely and prone to stressful relationships; he was unable to relax or regulate his chronic stress levels and he was also chronically in debt! As he told me his tale with a trembling voice, he said he felt trapped and dominated trying to live up to other people’s demands, expectations and requests. He said it was hard for him to say “No” when others asked something from him. The guilt and worry of letting others down were too much to tolerate. So he would comply and take on another request that added to his burden of obligations. He basically felt miserable and he desperately wanted to breathe more freely and find some peace of mind.

As a Psychologist and Success Coach, I have treated and coached tens of thousands of people over the last forty years. I have worked with executives, professionals, corporate leaders, athletes and others trying to live successful lives. In my work, I have seen a lot of misery, pain and struggle. Fortunately, I have learned many ways to help and guide my clients out of the abyss and redirect their lives towards more successful and satisfying ways to live and to experience success in ways that they had not previously been able to experience it. Most of us need a map, a guide and a GPS to leave the territory of Victim and Survivor and find our way into the power of living life as a Navigator.

What I have learned is that there are three key miseries that cause immense pain and the feeling of life failure. These miseries are 1) feeling chronically overwhelmed, 2) having unsatisfying relationships and 3) feeling trapped. Overwhelming feelings develop when trying to complete a never ending to do list, wasting time and energy on activities that do not lead anywhere, handling multiple demands and taking on too much. Basically, our brains, minds and bodies are not well equipped to successfully cope and thrive in today’s world. Our brains are still functioning as Hunter-Gatherers, with a nervous system better suited to how we lived over 10,000 to 100,000 years ago. I will write more about that in a later post but I want to caution you to be careful not to try to accomplish too much at once. Like an old and accomplished hunter once said to me, “If you go hunting and try to shoot at two rabbits at the same time, you will come home empty handed.”  The remedy here is really looking at and deciding what is most important and choosing your priorities carefully. Then say “No” to everything else. Safeguard your time and commitments. It is too easy to get to the point where you feel overwhelmed and out of control.

Another key obstacle to living a successful life is staying in bad relationships too long. Humans need relationships characterized by support, trust and love. Look at the people you have around you. Do you feel safe and open with them? Can you both express your concerns and feelings with open minds and hearts? Do you feel they have your back covered? I heard recently that each of us take on the attitudes, beliefs and actions of the five people we are closest to. Maybe, it is time to grade your key relationships and determine what might be lacking in terms of communication, trust and safety. You may need a remedial course in designing great relationships! You may also want to do a self-check and evaluate your own capacity for self-expression, generous listening, showing appreciation, giving support, handling criticisms and staying open minded.

A third misery is being a prisoner in your own life and experiencing a lack of freedom. Do you know your own mind? Are you living according to your key values?  Can you advocate for yourself? Are you waiting to be rescued? Do you know the difference between setting expectations and making agreements? How quickly can you absorb an upset and bounce back into action? Are you living into your dream? Have you laid out a pathway to success? Do you have and practice the high payoff actions that produce the results you want? Have you surrendered your life to someone else’s dream? Have you chosen the one rabbit that will provide you with optimal satisfaction? Do you have a toolkit for success, accomplishment and happiness?

I apologize for not providing you with immediate answers to these miseries in today’s post. My aim today is to stimulate your thinking and to wake you up to whatever miseries you are experiencing. It is not your life mission to be miserable: it is to live a great life of Success, Accomplishment and Satisfaction. It is my intention through my coaching, posts, books and videos to provide you with the tools and strategies to thrive and navigate life. I hope you choose to use these resources to your advantage. I invite you to tune in to my next live video on how to use your brain more effectively which is scheduled for Monday, 2/13 at 1 pm.
You might want to read my book “Navigating For Success: Passion, Goals and Actions” to learn more about overcoming misery and living the life you deserve. You can also find my books on Amazon and visit mossalanjackson.com to sign up for my video series, and more!